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Obsessed Parenting and Its Expensive Illusions

Obsessed Parenting and Its Expensive Illusions
Obsessive parenting is becoming a common problem...Photo by Gerd Altmann

Ok, so, 9 months since conception have passed, the delivery went well, and you are now presented with a beautiful baby, the zenith of the mutual love you have with your partner. But although this is one of the most important events in a life of a couple, representing a symbol of life and love, the adventure has just begun. Becoming a parent, as beautiful as it can be, brings a huge responsibility. You now have a task to teach your kid necessary skills and values in order to have a successful life and to be of great use for society. The trick is that if you do not do it right way, you might have done a great harm to yourself, your child and the others around you. Parenting is not easy, at all.

We as individuals would like to use the one life that we have, to  achieve as much things as we can, and to accomplish ourselves in every field of life. But the modern way of living often does not allow to fulfill everything we might want. With the arrival of your child, you now have one more task to fit in your daily routine, along with your job and all the other activities you already had. We know that the type of parenting our ancestors had, pretty  much differs from the modern one. Parents then were more rigorous and restrictive for even the simplest things. They also had great demands from their children, as instead of education, they were mostly put to help in the daily tasks that the family had. And it was well known what is allowed and what is not. Nowadays, things are reversing.

Problems with modern parenting are huge and they have various reasons. Some parents simply do not have time, so they literally try to find the easiest way out with their children while the others on the contrary are too obsessive; and of course, then, we have the ones that simply are not sure about to do, which path to take, and so they follow the current trends. The greatest issue is that the parents are literally trying to buy affection, a deed for which they can’t really be blamed that much. Most people are under the influence of the idea that the life revolves around material goods; so they see it beneficial to give their children everything they want, which in turn will make them feel as good and satisfied parents.

The problem is that children often do not really need most of the things they ask for. They just like to explore and discover, so if you do not give them enough time, they tend to search other way out. If you treat them like they are the center of the universe, especially at their young age, they will probably expect the same treatment when they are older and on their own, not realizing that it is not how world works. This can result in outcomes which aren’t fruitful at all. Your child may become an arrogant individual, trying to harm others to secure his wealth. Or your child can simply be left out with no ambitions, after realizing that in life you actually have to work and make efforts to earn yourself something. Playing tricks with material inclinations, may render your child either an antisocial or an asocial individual.

The actual costs of obsessive parenting are yet to be seen. A moderate expectation could be a huge generation blinded and paralyzed by their own parents in the name of high standards and a secure life.

So much is being said about obsessive parenting all around the world. This type of parenting is getting so widespread in the world that it could be well assumed that almost all the modern parents are obsessive parents to a certain extent. The term “Helicopter Parenting” has been developed to better define the deeds of such parents. But what is obsessive parenting in essence? As it could be easily understood from the terminology itself, obsessive parenting is the practice of overcontrolling and overprotecting the children. Obsessive parents, and especially obsessive mothers, hover over their child like a helicopter, thus trying to make sure everything is fine.  While the practice may sound a bit weird, there are always excuses and justifications.

First and foremost, they are scared that they child fails in something, so they think there is a better chance of success if they get involved. Then of course, some simply worry about how world is developing and so they want to keep their child from facing the cruel reality. On the other hand, some parents simply were neglected during their childhood, so they are trying now to overcompensate, by raising up their own kids with the highest degree of attentiveness. And as we said, some simply do that, just because they do not know what is the best way, so they see follow the common ways and methods around. The consequences could be various. From decreased self-esteem, and inability to cope with even the simplest problems, to undeveloped life skills, or even feel of entitlement, which might be the worst. Still some others simply define goals and guidelines, from the very young age of their child. They drive their kid to achieve high academic standards, which can of course be good, but multiple consequences could appear as well. Such parents often restrict their children to spend time with peers, or go to some social events, which seem like a waste of time.

The actual costs of obsessive parenting are yet to be seen. A moderate expectation could be a huge generation blinded and paralyzed by their own parents in the name of high standards and a secure life. When these high and secure standards are achieved, they think, there remains almost nothing to worry about. That, of course, is a terrible illusion. Forget endless risks involved in a lifetime, just a piece of an uncalculated change can insidiously approach to strike and ruin everything.

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5 Comments

  • Konstantin
    September 10, 2016, 1:32 pm

    Brilliantly said! By oversheltering our children we are turning them into mindless and disinterested members of society. And because of that they will become unqualified to live a peacefull and meaningfull life.
    So next you see your child lazying around be a responsible parent and try teaching him how to do the laundry or how to clean his or hers room.

    REPLY
    • yannush@Konstantin
      September 10, 2016, 6:45 pm

      I agree with what you are trying to say, but as you said before parents that didnt have a decent childhood are more likely to be overprotective and overcaring to their children.
      You cant blame the parent for wanting his child to always be happy and feel protected and cared for.
      The only solution that would sound logical to me would be sending future parents to parenting schools, but it is also inevitable that ignorant parents will raise ignorant children

      REPLY
      • Miroslav@yannush
        September 13, 2016, 4:30 pm

        That is more than true. But still, they have to realize, that as with everything in life, going to extremes is not good. So of course, it is not good that a parent does not have time for children, or to use his child for expressing frustrations; but also it cannot be good to be overprotective, as your child will not get a chance to face reality, before it is too late. As with everything in life, balance is the key.

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    • yannush@Konstantin
      September 10, 2016, 6:46 pm

      I agree with what you are trying to say, but as you said before parents that didnt have a decent childhood are more likely to be overprotective and overcaring to their children.
      You cant blame the parent for wanting his child to always be happy and feel protected and cared for.
      The only solution that would sound logical to me would be sending future parents to parenting schools, but it is also inevitable that ignorant parents will raise ignorant children

      REPLY
    • Miroslav@Konstantin
      September 13, 2016, 4:28 pm

      Exactly. People do not realize how of important problem this actually is, and that if no one tries to cope with it, it is for certainly not good for the society we are living in. So we can do two things, raise awareness in general, and show others how it is done, by being an example.

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